Baby Deborah

A while back I wrote about a 4 month old baby who has brain tumors,,,,,,She will probably not live to have a 1st Birthday Party,,,,,unless God works a miracle!
She is the grand daughter of my parents' PASTOR and HIS WIFE.
The baby's name is Deborah Lee and her mother is AMY and her father is Bart.(Bart is the same age as my Little Sister,,,,,they went to school together!)
Amy has been sending out regular e-mails to a WHOLE list of people!!!! It is kind of her way of "blogging".Now, I am in Georgia and they live in Illinois,,,,,,,But I have been reading ALL of her e-mails!! She has been SUCH an inspiration to me and I am sure to so many other people! I want to share her most recent e-mail.......thats pretty much all I need to say.........Just read her e-mail for yourself........
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Not an update at all...but a few things on my mind and my heart. I think sometimes it is therapeutic for me to write what's on my heart. My feelings seem to just roll when I sit at the computer.

The past few days have been extremely hard for Bart and I...not really knowing a specific reason. We sit in awe of Deborah Lee and how God created her and knows every little cell in her body...he created her in my womb...each tiny finger, her precious smile...her dark eyes and long eyelashes looking at us not realizing at all that there is anything wrong. That is why it is so hard, I think. Knowing how well she looks, yet what is "brewing" in her brain and spinal fluid is heartbreaking. I think it is especially hard when I see Bart saddened to the point of tears. My heart just breaks to see him hurting. Some nights I lie in bed and cry and cry not knowing how to pray or what to pray, but God knows my heart and knows all my many thoughts circling around in my mind and heart. He sends peace my way and I am somehow able to rest.

We sit in church and when we silently read the words and listen to others sing some hymns...because tears come when we sing....they all have a new meaning to us. We are looking at our baby girl possibly going home to heaven, to the arms of Jesus. If he decides to take her home, we will see her again. We just have to keep trusting our Lord as we walk each step of the day. Even though it seems as if our skies are dark and the rain NEVER stops....we know....GOD IS THERE. He cares so much for us...for Deborah.

I am somehow just frustrated that I cannot "see" what is going on inside of her. As if I can somehow control what is happening. I talk with Doctors and they say..."It will come...we predict in the next 3 months it will start to grow and when it does it will be rapid"... When? Where? How? They don't know....But I know God Knows!!! He is all knowing. I have to come back to the thought that I must not be fretful, worryful....scared....God knows and will do what is best. Easier said than done???? Definitely. I must BE STILL AND KNOW HE IS GOD.

Enjoying each moment I have with her...loving each smile she gives me...Watching her laugh at her sisters who offer non-stop entertainment. I treasure how she looks at Bart...just eyes of a 'daddy's girl'. She loves her daddy.

What a horrible trial to go through...How it just breaks our hearts. I am so thankful for my faith...our faith. Where would we be if we didn't know Him?

We are so blessed beyond words and all of you praying for us each day. We are so grateful to God for our 'friends' and 'family'....
we love you all.

Bart & AMy